Continuing difficulties

I'm sitting here looking out the window at 2 feet of new snow as I reflect on the end of an incredibly difficult week. I've lost my composure on several occasions over the past few days, and right now I'm feeling shaky at best. This weekend is going to be all about getting back in the driver's seat- getting to a place in my mind where I can go forward.

I'm having a great deal of difficulty dealing with the fact that Sam has been unable to get it together and keep it together at school. I know a lot of his problems lately are due to the fact that he's stuck in one of these "down" times. It seems like when he's like this, there is a cloud in his mind that anything has a hard time getting through. Regular day-to-day functions are very hard for him, let alone learning anything new. By contrast, when things are good and he's functioning to full capacity, most things seem to be easy for him. The very hard part for me is at this point in time is how to get him out of this current trend.

I wonder what will happen at school. Of course I'm very nervous about sending him back there on Monday. His principal assured me that this is what they want, but I'm afraid of getting the phone call to come and pick him up. I hope to be able to clear my head and write down a few things for the upcoming meetings that we will have. I don't know what to do about school for the rest of the year- do we modify things in small chunks temporarily until things turn around? What about next year? I don't know what the right option is for his schooling. Will a smaller class help? It's all so up in the air. I hope that Erin from CARD will be able to help us with some new answers. Sam can't be the first child who has had these problems, so there must be some way of helping him.

I'm slowly working my way back to determination to not let Sam's diagnosis control our lives. It's so hard when we are continually beat down, but there's no way I can give up. I guess taking it one day at a time is truly what we need to do to get through this. That, and pray that the "cloud" in his mind will fade and some clarity will be restored.