Our RDI consultant recommended that I blog about my feelings of difficulty with "letting go" of doing everything for Sam. I'm sure that this is a topic that every parent struggles with, not just those of us that have kids with special needs. I wonder if it would be any easier for me if Sam was NT. I'm thinking probably not- but the difference might be that he would have more built-in motivation to take his activities to the next level, he might pick up on cues from other kids better, and he'd probably be more heavily influenced by the outside world. (not that that is a great thing!) I commented to our therapist that every time I'm involved in an "activity" with him, I find myself really wanting to do things for him that he is not able to do, or has not done a lot of. I know this doesn't do him any favors, so I'm really trying to fight this. I think the key to it all might be "scaffolding" our activities better. I read a really good quote from an article our therapist gave us that has got me thinking. "Our goal in RDI is not to focus on what your child can do, but instead focus on what your child can almost do." I don't think I ever thought of scaffolding an activity based on this. I believe my focus has always been providing an activity that would foster connection between us. I never thought much about whether it was something he could already do or not. Of course one of the things we are trying to do with RDI is increase the connection he has to us, and ultimately to other people, but also it's about competance and gaining self-confidence. My impulse to go ahead and do everything for him is partly because it's habit, partly because I want to get it done (probably my worst downfall when it comes to RDI is that I have a hard time taking my time with things), and partly because I feel like it's part of my role as his mom. This last statement looks pretty dumb in retrospect because it's also a mom's job to recognize when to pull back and let their child do for themselves. Maybe I'm a bit over protective. I know the thought of Sam going into a situation where he wouldn't have the maximum of support terrifies me. (for example, returning to CES). I really need to take a look at setting up situations to work on those things he can "almost do". The more small things he becomes competant with, the more large things he'll be better equiped to deal with. The time to do this is now.
A great example of my difficulty in letting go is the bus transportation situation to school. All last year I drove him to Rotterdam, which went very well until the gas prices went through the roof. This summer, I was all set to once again take him to school in Guilderland, until I got to thinking. I knew we'd have a period of 5 weeks of summer school. I decided that he could stand it for 5 weeks, so we put him on the bus this Monday morning. He seems to have taken it all in stride. I've not heard any complaints from him, the bus garage or the school. I'm still uncomfortable with it for a variety of reasons. (mostly because I now have very little motivation to get out of the house- that job better get going soon!) So here's an example of how something I pretty much dreaded has so far gone well. I'm going to make sure I "spotlight" how proud I am of him riding the bus when I see him tonight.
An interesting aspect about the RDI process is that I'm really learning just as much about myself as I am about how to interact and guide Sam. It's worth it for this alone, I think. I don't think this is anything anyone can tell you about the RDI process when you go into it. I've felt like one of the major components to it has been growth for all of us. I hope it continues to evolve in this way.
