Many of you have been asking how the IEP meeting went on May 21. Well it was successful in that we were not "forced" to make a decision about Sam's placement for next year. We made it clear that we wanted to see more programs, and that we couldn't make a decision based on seeing one program. The rest of the meeting was largely the teachers and therapists reports, a good portion of it negative, but some positive. OT is going well and he's made huge strides in that area. Physical therapy is also going well- he's shown a great improvement in gym and they have a good system worked out in that they bring him to gym early and the gym teacher explains what they are going to do, and he is able to handle it well with that pre-set.
Although I am glad we'll be able to see more programs, I'm still essentially unhappy about the whole outcome of this first year of school for Sam. I feel like the end conlcusion that has been reached here is about as bad as I could have envisioned it being at the beginning of this school year. At that time, I couldn't wrap my mind around the possibility of Sam being "banished" to another situation. I remember telling Becky last fall that I was fearing him being "kicked out" and I guess I had good reason to fear that.
The truth is, for all the talk about how things in education have come so far in helping kids with issues and keeping them in the "least-restrictive" environment, I still feel as if we are somehow being shown the door and are unwanted at CES. The lack of an appropriate classroom at our elementary school sends a clear message to me that their interventions will only go so far, they are unwilling to do the right thing to educate Sam, that it's easier to pawn him off on someone else so they don't have to deal with it anymore. At various times this year, I've felt our family being blamed for this situation, like me, Tom or Sam has had anything to do with bringing this situation on ourselves. For my part, I'm sure that at times I've blamed the teachers and staff, and most definitely the administration, for their part in making us feel like second class citizens. I've spent the last 16 years living in this town hearing about how wonderful the school district is, being lulled into a false sense of security, thinking my son would be ok and do well. Well, the real truth seems to be that the district is only wonderful if your child can fit into the "normal" category. Sure, they will try to help out if your child struggles with whatever issues, but the interventions only go so far, and if they can't conform, you are out the door.
I've decided the best placement for Sam is the one that isn't going to happen. He belongs in his own elementary school, in a classroom that can offer the proper support. The question of having the "population" to justify such a classroom is irrelevant to me- I don't recall sitting around in 2000 asking myself if it would be the right time to get pregnant and have an autism spectrum child just so he would be the only one in his age group when it came time for school that would have a need for this type of education.
Lately I feel as if this is all I think about and deal with. I feel no peace as the end of school approaches. I remember the emotional roller coaster ride I was on last year as we finished preschool and started off into the unknown of kindergarten. I had hoped for a better outcome, but I guess I didn't pray hard enough or work hard enough. It's tougher this year for me to be optomistic, but I need to be for Sam's sake. I don't know if I wish I still had that sense of false hope that entering the perfect elementary school last fall gave me. I hope I have learned from the past year that cautious is probably the best emotion I shoud be feeling at the start of anything new. My frustration at times has reached a point where I just feel so helpless, I know I need to take a step back and take a deep breath.
We are going to see another program over in Schenectady next week. It's in an elementary school 27 miles away, but really we are looking for a teacher and situation we can be comfortable with, and one that is going to make a difference for Sam. The meeting to make the "big decision" is Jun 13. Can't wait.
