The first thing I have to say about 2013 is that I'm glad it's nearly over. It has been a tough year for our family with illnesses, hospitalizations, recoveries, and the deaths of several close relatives. It's never easy, but it can be very overwhelming when it happens all at once. I'm hoping 2014 can bring us a chance to catch our breath and find some balance again.
That being said, as far Sam is concerned, I feel like 2013 has been a good year for him overall. I have seen tremendous growth over the past 12 months in many ways. Last year at this time we still had the little boy Sam very much in residence, this year we are living with a young man.
It's hard to put a finger on just when it happened, but definitely during this year I've noticed him embracing middle school a bit more and expressing the desire to become more involved. This was the first year he became an active participant in his social life, coming up with his own ideas, picking out his own friends, communicating with them. A huge change from the control we have always exerted over his social encounters.
Mostly I would say we have something called the PEERS program to thank for this, but I think readiness and maturity has played a role as well. I first heard about the PEERS program through my involvement with CARD and SUNY Albany, and thought it sounded a lot like something Sam could benefit from. We signed up and waited for a few months for the funding to come through and the program to begin. As luck would have it, we ended up in a summer session that required a big time commitment on our part- and severely cut into the little free time we normally have during the summer. Anyway, we did commit to it, and, looking back, I'm glad we did. The benefits have been enormous for Sam. He learned about many aspects of life as a teen that would probably never have crossed his mind if left to his own devices. The working on phone skills alone was worth the 7 weeks of meeting 2x times a week. Before PEERS, Sam was reluctant to use the phone at all, and definitely not to communicate with any friends. Since graduating from the program, he uses the phone regularly to communicate with Nick, his best friend.
A best friend! Yes, Sam really has one. Years ago when I started this sorry excuse for a blog, I never could have imagined such a thing might happen. Sure, Sam was always pretty social, in his way, but always had a much easier time of it communicating with adults rather than peers. He's had playmates, classmates, kids he hung around with, but never a real, true friend. Until Nick. Nick and Sam met at Friday Knights. They have much in common (both 12 years old, in 7th grade, loving taking Spanish, both with an ASD, both love Angry Birds, etc), but they also have some very important differences, which I think makes it work for both of them. Nick is more serious than Sam, and one can tell someone who thinks a great deal about things. Sam is much more reactive, and I've found over the months that they've been hanging around together that some of this thoughtfulness has rubbed off on Sam.
Another thing I love about their friendship is that they not only have fun together cooking up this elaborate Angry Birds adventures, they also talk about serious subjects. Sam asks Nick's advice about dealing with the girls in his class, Nick tells Sam about when kids in school are mean to him and what he does about it. This, to me, is the sign of a true friend. Someone with whom you can have fun, but also talk to about your innermost thoughts. This is so valuable for Sam on so many levels, and it makes me feel so happy for him.
Sam has also discovered girls this year- really he had no choice in the matter, since he is surrounded by females in school, and attends all his classes with 3 of them! He is getting a crash course in how middle school girls operate, which, as many of us might remember, can really be a minefield! He developed a crush on one of the girls in his class, and we have been treated nearly daily to the "drama" unfolding at school as she began "dating" another boy, "broke up" with said boy, only to have Sam declare he was only interested in being friends with her. He has also established a friendly relationship with a girl he previously had a problem with last year. In 7th grade, they have found common ground and are getting along well. It makes me feel so satisfied to see him navigating middle school as well as he has so far. He continues to receive good support at school, and we are happy with his placement, at least through next year.
This progress has us thinking about the future, and we are looking to maybe make some major changes. My goal is to try to use this blog to sort my way through this process in the next year, record my thoughts and impressions as we move forward. A new journey is beginning soon, so it's never too early to prepare for it.
