This is the time of year that's usually marked by the planning of vacations, gazing longingly at seed catalogs, counting off the days until spring. This year's cabin fever has been especially intense due to the unending snow storms we've been getting and nearly weekly snow days. I'm here to say that although I'm experiencing the usual cabin fever that takes over my life this time of year, I'm also kind of enjoying it.
That's mostly because Sam's in a really good place right now, and I can't help but think a lot of it has to do with our slower (sometimes even non-existent) pace. Since returning to school after the holidays, Sam's anxiety level seems to have diminished significantly. Reports from school are good, he's been mainstreamed into a 4th grade reading class which he is enthusiastic about and enjoying, for the most part he's cooperative and enjoyable to be around at home.
Since before Christmas I've been in a kind of anti-social funk. I haven't wanted to make the effort to get people together mainly because I sometimes feel like I'm ALWAYS the organizer. Of course if I sit around and wait for others to contact me and make a plan, I may as well resign myself to the fact that I'll probably be sitting for awhile. Honestly, these days that's ok with me. I'm seeing the positive results that not always being on the run is having on my family, and that makes me happy.
I've been following Sam's lead too. At this point he doesn't seem desperate for friends or social interactions. I wait for him to bring it up. We still do game club, just not as often. He's cultivating friendships with Jory from swimming and Kailin, the daughter of a guy Tom works with. Any encounters he's had lately have been quite positive and successful. We're not pushing them- maybe that's why.
I can imagine it must be exhausting to exist in a world where you don't get the rules and don't understand why people act as they do. Probably a lot like living amongst people who don't speak the same language you do. To put yourself out there in that uncomfortable situation must take a lot of effort, and would certainly not be something you'd want to do every day. Maybe cabin fever is providing us with an excuse for keeping close to home, being where we are comfortable and can just "be". Maybe it's like a recharging time, when we can save our energy up to go out and face the world- me to once again organize my social calendar, and Sam to be able to interact socially and have it be a positive experience. I've always known that being overscheduled made me miserable, so maybe now I've taken it one step further, or lower, however you want to picture it.
I am looking forward to spring, but I hope we can experience it and the rest of the year at our snail's pace.
