To continue with what I was writing about yesterday, incorporating RDI into our everyday lives is proving to be a challenge. I find myself thinking about every word that comes out of my mouth, and my thoughts range from "I'm not sure if what I just said was really "RDI-like" and I feel like I use the same phrases all the time." to "Shoot! I really should have not phrased that as a question (or made a demand). I should have made that a declarative statement." So really the best it gets at this point is an attempt to change the way I say things, and being pretty doubtful that what I'm saying is in any way effective. Perhaps I really should just opt for silence.
Another thing I have a great deal of trouble with is keeping my cool with Sam in situations where he's doing something (or not doing something) that needs to be done, like on a time deadline. This morning we were about 10 minutes away from bus pickup, and he was taking his time with packing his backpack, and getting his coat on. He wanted to put his coat and gloves on before packing the backpack, he was walking around touching all the door casings (something he just started doing recently), and just not being mindful of the time. (Like he ever is- I'm realizing as I write this that last year it would have been unheard of for him to even approach doing any of these things- so what do I have to complain about?) Anyway, this is the very thing I mean, I have trouble keeping my cool when things need to get done, so I grabbed his backpack and packed it myself. I wonder if this made him feel bad, since he has been packing his backpack himself. I only realize these things in retrospect, so I really need training in how to keep my cool in these situations.
It's hard to put everything you say and do under a microscope. I tend to be my own worst self-critic, so I am finding fault with lots of my attempts at communication. I guess I really need to live the whole "It's a marthon, not a sprint" philosphy. How could 6 years of one way of communication possibly be replaced overnight by another way?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Working at "getting" RDI
Well, we've been working on hard incorporating RDI concepts into everyday life here at the Dougherty house. It really has been a lot of work- I find myself analyzing everything that comes out of my mouth when I talk to Sam. I often think about how I could have effectively dealt with a conversation better, or how I could have injected some "declarative language" into what we were doing. One thing I know I have a problem with is slowing down! I'm so used to multi-taking to get everything done that I have a hard time taking my time to do anything. I've always been bothered by how much in a rush we always feel, but I don't do anything to remeady that. Maybe now is that time!
Sam for the most part responds well to the RDI activities, but he is clearly uncomfortable with the pauses and silences that are part of how we communicate now. Our household has always been so filled with non-stop talking (let's face it- all three of us are chatterboxes) that it's quite a change to go the other way. He sometimes has difficulty transitioning to an activity, but nearly always gets into it and fully participates.
Sam for the most part responds well to the RDI activities, but he is clearly uncomfortable with the pauses and silences that are part of how we communicate now. Our household has always been so filled with non-stop talking (let's face it- all three of us are chatterboxes) that it's quite a change to go the other way. He sometimes has difficulty transitioning to an activity, but nearly always gets into it and fully participates.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
A fun holiday trip to New York City!
Just wanted to report on a fun trip we took to New York City yesterday, December 22. It's become something of a tradition for us to take a day trip there for the last couple of years. This is the first year we felt comfortable bringing Sam. We always go with Tom's former college roommate Jon, his wife Kathy, and their 2 teenage sons, Brian and Sean. It's nice for us because Jon always drives all the way down. We park somewhere down near the Brooklyn Bridge, in the neighborhood of the federal building where Jon used to work. While Sam was slightly whiny about how long it was taking to get where were were going, he was not overly so, and enjoyed looking at everything once we got closer to our detination. Jon pointed out some of the landmarks, we saw a couple of huge cruise ships, and Sam enjoyed seeing all the ads on the buildings. We stopped at Battery Park so Sam could see the Statue of Liberty across the water, then parked and headed for the main attraction- the subway! Sam really seemed fascinated by the whole thing. He didn't want to get off once we got on, but we persuaded him pretty easily. We saw part of the holiday light show in Grand Central Station, then went to view the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. Sam loved going into the NBC store there! We ate at an Irish pub, and Sam was really well behaved. He drew all over the paper placemats at the restaurant, and ate a good meal of pasta and sauce.
Even with all the walking involved, it was clear he enjoyed the whole thing. He liked to be out walking on the street after dark and seeing all the lights. On the way home, we stopped in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue and had cappacinos and dessert at a little cafe. All this way past Sam's usual bedtime, but he did so well. He tried a cannoli and cheesecake!
I guess the key to it all was not trying to do anything ambitious. We kind of just played it by ear, and did whatever we felt like doing. Jon and Kathy were the perfect tour guides, and the boys are so nice to Sam. It somehow felt like the right time to take him there, and I'm glad he enjoyed it so much. You never know what is going to go well and what isn't, but I guess it's all about trying. Now I'd love to plan another trip down there- maybe in warmer weather!
Even with all the walking involved, it was clear he enjoyed the whole thing. He liked to be out walking on the street after dark and seeing all the lights. On the way home, we stopped in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue and had cappacinos and dessert at a little cafe. All this way past Sam's usual bedtime, but he did so well. He tried a cannoli and cheesecake!
I guess the key to it all was not trying to do anything ambitious. We kind of just played it by ear, and did whatever we felt like doing. Jon and Kathy were the perfect tour guides, and the boys are so nice to Sam. It somehow felt like the right time to take him there, and I'm glad he enjoyed it so much. You never know what is going to go well and what isn't, but I guess it's all about trying. Now I'd love to plan another trip down there- maybe in warmer weather!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Changes....for the better!
Our fall continues to go well- I feel truly blessed that Sam finally seems settled in school and is enjoying himself. I'm seeing many changes in him that I never missed before, but it seems good to have him doing some things that maybe other parents take for granted.
For example, he talks about what happens in school a lot more than he ever did. Not all of it is negative, although he does like to talk about what happens when one of the other kids in the class gets in trouble. Yesterday he told me about how there is a field trip planned for after the holidays to the Empire State Plaza. I like how he's made a place for himself in his class, and he talks about interacting with his classmates.
He's also asking about a lot more "normal" kid things. He saw a commercial the other day for a stuffed Rudolph the red nosed reindeer that can be made at "Build-a-Bear Workshop". He wanted to know if there was one around here and could we go sometime! He's been talking about wanting to watch Christmas specials on TV and listen to Christmas music. He's excited for me to get the decorations out. In years past, he enjoyed these things, but he never seemed to actively participate- it was always someone else's idea.
About the only issue we are having currently is concerning "back talk". He lets you know he's displeased with what is being said by talking back in a stern voice. This is a great improvement over throwing things or knocking things over! Still, we will work on diminishing this behavior and replacing it with something more appropriate. We can use Rudolph as an incentive!
I'm really seeing so many positive changes- it's great! Often when things go along tranquily, I get complacent and just ride with it. I'm not naive enough to think we won't hit a rough patch now and then, but the good thing about this school situation he's in is that I have confidence they can handle it and move ahead. I really don't want things to go too well, lest the "powers that be" think he's doing well enough to leave the program next year.
We are looking forward to the holidays and spending time with family and friends. We're having a big family gathering here for the first time in many years, and Sam's got a few little cousins to play with. We are even going to take him to New York City for a day trip! I guess New York City doesn't seem so daunting after Disney World in August!
For example, he talks about what happens in school a lot more than he ever did. Not all of it is negative, although he does like to talk about what happens when one of the other kids in the class gets in trouble. Yesterday he told me about how there is a field trip planned for after the holidays to the Empire State Plaza. I like how he's made a place for himself in his class, and he talks about interacting with his classmates.
He's also asking about a lot more "normal" kid things. He saw a commercial the other day for a stuffed Rudolph the red nosed reindeer that can be made at "Build-a-Bear Workshop". He wanted to know if there was one around here and could we go sometime! He's been talking about wanting to watch Christmas specials on TV and listen to Christmas music. He's excited for me to get the decorations out. In years past, he enjoyed these things, but he never seemed to actively participate- it was always someone else's idea.
About the only issue we are having currently is concerning "back talk". He lets you know he's displeased with what is being said by talking back in a stern voice. This is a great improvement over throwing things or knocking things over! Still, we will work on diminishing this behavior and replacing it with something more appropriate. We can use Rudolph as an incentive!
I'm really seeing so many positive changes- it's great! Often when things go along tranquily, I get complacent and just ride with it. I'm not naive enough to think we won't hit a rough patch now and then, but the good thing about this school situation he's in is that I have confidence they can handle it and move ahead. I really don't want things to go too well, lest the "powers that be" think he's doing well enough to leave the program next year.
We are looking forward to the holidays and spending time with family and friends. We're having a big family gathering here for the first time in many years, and Sam's got a few little cousins to play with. We are even going to take him to New York City for a day trip! I guess New York City doesn't seem so daunting after Disney World in August!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
A Fabulous Fall!
Once again, I find myself apologizing for not keeping up with this more regularly, but at least this time it's for a good reason! We have been having a really good fall! Most of this having to do with Sam's success at school. He's settled into his new school quite nicely, and we are seeing improvements daily. The year started out with us being uncertain of everything, and of course expecting things to be rocky due to the newness of the situation, but things began to even out about a month ago, and now Sam seems to be in pretty good shape.
For whatever reason, this fall he seems to be much more aware of his behavior. It seemed like most of the time last year he was not even aware of the things he was doing, or if he was, it didn't affect him at all, let alone enough to want to change what he was doing. This year maybe the difference is the smaller class, the more adult attention, the being able to work at his own pace, etc. We now normally get a good report home each day.
Tom and I had a conference with his teacher and social worker a couple of weeks ago. I can honestly say it was probably the first conference with a teacher that I had ever enjoyed, and not felt like I was either being 1. talked down to, 2. blamed for something, 3. asked what we were going to do about the problem, or 4. dismissed altogether. Both teachers expressed how much they liked Sam and how much he brings to their classroom. He's been tested in math and is able to work at a 3rd grade level. His teacher said she is going to be working with him on the computer. She also said he is going to be integrated into a high-level second grade reading group in January. Tom and I were surprised but happy to hear this, I hope he can deal with it.
The good part about having doubts about his ability to handle a situation is that I am confident they have the resources within this program to help him work through it. It's such a relief to know I can count on them to do their jobs, and help Sam succeed. I know they are not going to be calling us everyday making us aware of some atrocity that Sam has committed. I know they are simply going to deal with whatever comes up, and as a result, we are all feeling better about things.
Some of the things I thought might bother me about not having Sam stay at CES are not bothering me at all. I don't miss all the solicitations from the PTO for either money or involvement, I don't miss the daily exposure to the "cliquey" atmosphere. I enjoy being able to be friends (or not) with people on my own terms. I think Sam accepts being in the new school just fine. I've mentioned visiting the temporary CES and he always says he'd prefer to stay in the car. I know he misses a few of the kids he had in his class last year, and I think by the time they see him again, they will see a few changes. He's making friends in his class, although with all the kids from different towns, and no way of connecting with the other parents, it makes out of school connections pretty much impossible. Thankfully there are still the old playgroup friends, and neighbors down the street.
So much has changed for the better this fall. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have Sam experience this program. Probably the best thing about it is that he can come back next year, same school and same teacher. The thought of being relatively stress-free where school is concerned for another year and a half is enticing!
For whatever reason, this fall he seems to be much more aware of his behavior. It seemed like most of the time last year he was not even aware of the things he was doing, or if he was, it didn't affect him at all, let alone enough to want to change what he was doing. This year maybe the difference is the smaller class, the more adult attention, the being able to work at his own pace, etc. We now normally get a good report home each day.
Tom and I had a conference with his teacher and social worker a couple of weeks ago. I can honestly say it was probably the first conference with a teacher that I had ever enjoyed, and not felt like I was either being 1. talked down to, 2. blamed for something, 3. asked what we were going to do about the problem, or 4. dismissed altogether. Both teachers expressed how much they liked Sam and how much he brings to their classroom. He's been tested in math and is able to work at a 3rd grade level. His teacher said she is going to be working with him on the computer. She also said he is going to be integrated into a high-level second grade reading group in January. Tom and I were surprised but happy to hear this, I hope he can deal with it.
The good part about having doubts about his ability to handle a situation is that I am confident they have the resources within this program to help him work through it. It's such a relief to know I can count on them to do their jobs, and help Sam succeed. I know they are not going to be calling us everyday making us aware of some atrocity that Sam has committed. I know they are simply going to deal with whatever comes up, and as a result, we are all feeling better about things.
Some of the things I thought might bother me about not having Sam stay at CES are not bothering me at all. I don't miss all the solicitations from the PTO for either money or involvement, I don't miss the daily exposure to the "cliquey" atmosphere. I enjoy being able to be friends (or not) with people on my own terms. I think Sam accepts being in the new school just fine. I've mentioned visiting the temporary CES and he always says he'd prefer to stay in the car. I know he misses a few of the kids he had in his class last year, and I think by the time they see him again, they will see a few changes. He's making friends in his class, although with all the kids from different towns, and no way of connecting with the other parents, it makes out of school connections pretty much impossible. Thankfully there are still the old playgroup friends, and neighbors down the street.
So much has changed for the better this fall. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have Sam experience this program. Probably the best thing about it is that he can come back next year, same school and same teacher. The thought of being relatively stress-free where school is concerned for another year and a half is enticing!
Monday, September 10, 2007
New school year!
Well, the new school year has arrived! The summer seemed to go very fast. We spent a lot of it going from here to there, and it felt a little hectic. We had a couple of wonderful, memorable trips to Niagara Falls, Lake Erie and Disney World. Sam enjoyed spending time with Taylyn and Jeffrey. By the end of the summer, it was definitely time for some more structure in our lives, although Sam seemed to handle the lack of routine and structure this summer pretty well.
School started at Bradt Elementary school in Rotterdam last Thursday, September 6. We decided to drive him to school in the morning (30 minutes each way) since the bus would have picked him up at home 40 minutes earlier than I would have to leave to get him there on time. The drive so far has not been bad- it takes me about 30 minutes to do it. Most of the traffic seems to be going in the opposite direction. I can get him there any time between 8:15-8:30. His teacher, Ms. Breeyear, and the classroom aides are outside to meet the students.
The morning routine has so far gone well. The two best things about it are the year of experience we had last year and the fact that I can now stay in bed until 6:30!! Sam being used to the morning before school routine seems to be making a big difference in how the mornings are going. I've encountered no resistance to getting ready to go to school. I also think he likes being driven to school. Somehow it seems a little more relaxed than having to walk down the street to the bus stop and try to keep Sam out of the puddles and dirt piles while waiting for the bus!!
Each day he has a sheet sent home detailing the activities they do and his performance doing them. The first day was a glowingly perfect sheet where the teacher wrote what a joy it was to have him in the classroom. The second day there were a couple of check marks indicating he did not follow directions. Tom and I both agree that mistakes are good where he's concerned. He's in this program for a reason, and we really hope his difficulties get worked on. He hasn't talked a lot about school yet, but he seems to like it. At least he's not saying anything negative.
He is tolerating the bus ride home well so far. It takes about an hour for him to get home. There are three students on the bus total. The driver is a nice lady, a grandmotherly type whose name is Dorothy. I'm sure by the time he's riding home on the bus, he's so tired from the day he's just zoning out. He arrives home at about 3:45, which is way late compared to last year's 2:15. It makes my afternoon seem really long- I was so used to having to drop whatever I was doing at 2PM to go pick him up at school.
So we can't complain so far. I know there is probably a period of resisitance coming up- once he figures out the routine and the newness wears off. I'm also sure they are used to that sort of thing in his class. I hope to be better prepared to deal with that this year than I was last year. Better to make plans for a rough period to happen now and not be caught off guard.
I'm thankful for all the experiences we had last year in kindergarten, even the negative ones. It has made a difference with my outlook knowing we have a year of school under our belt. There were so many positive changes that took place last year, it would be impossible to chalk it up as a miserable failure. It really was a kind of experiment to try things and see if they would work out. I like to think that as a result of that experiment, we've gained some insight into how Sam ticks, and can now address more specifically his needs in a much more appropriate setting. We just have to keep slogging through.
School started at Bradt Elementary school in Rotterdam last Thursday, September 6. We decided to drive him to school in the morning (30 minutes each way) since the bus would have picked him up at home 40 minutes earlier than I would have to leave to get him there on time. The drive so far has not been bad- it takes me about 30 minutes to do it. Most of the traffic seems to be going in the opposite direction. I can get him there any time between 8:15-8:30. His teacher, Ms. Breeyear, and the classroom aides are outside to meet the students.
The morning routine has so far gone well. The two best things about it are the year of experience we had last year and the fact that I can now stay in bed until 6:30!! Sam being used to the morning before school routine seems to be making a big difference in how the mornings are going. I've encountered no resistance to getting ready to go to school. I also think he likes being driven to school. Somehow it seems a little more relaxed than having to walk down the street to the bus stop and try to keep Sam out of the puddles and dirt piles while waiting for the bus!!
Each day he has a sheet sent home detailing the activities they do and his performance doing them. The first day was a glowingly perfect sheet where the teacher wrote what a joy it was to have him in the classroom. The second day there were a couple of check marks indicating he did not follow directions. Tom and I both agree that mistakes are good where he's concerned. He's in this program for a reason, and we really hope his difficulties get worked on. He hasn't talked a lot about school yet, but he seems to like it. At least he's not saying anything negative.
He is tolerating the bus ride home well so far. It takes about an hour for him to get home. There are three students on the bus total. The driver is a nice lady, a grandmotherly type whose name is Dorothy. I'm sure by the time he's riding home on the bus, he's so tired from the day he's just zoning out. He arrives home at about 3:45, which is way late compared to last year's 2:15. It makes my afternoon seem really long- I was so used to having to drop whatever I was doing at 2PM to go pick him up at school.
So we can't complain so far. I know there is probably a period of resisitance coming up- once he figures out the routine and the newness wears off. I'm also sure they are used to that sort of thing in his class. I hope to be better prepared to deal with that this year than I was last year. Better to make plans for a rough period to happen now and not be caught off guard.
I'm thankful for all the experiences we had last year in kindergarten, even the negative ones. It has made a difference with my outlook knowing we have a year of school under our belt. There were so many positive changes that took place last year, it would be impossible to chalk it up as a miserable failure. It really was a kind of experiment to try things and see if they would work out. I like to think that as a result of that experiment, we've gained some insight into how Sam ticks, and can now address more specifically his needs in a much more appropriate setting. We just have to keep slogging through.
Friday, July 6, 2007
View from the beginning of summer
First of all, let me let everyone know how sorry I am for not keeping up with the blog! As usual, things get busy and I get so involved with everyday life that I don't make time to sit down and update. One good thing is that in general, if I haven't posted, it probably means things are going fairly well, and I haven't felt the need for theraputic writing!
I was just reading over my previous entry on June 1. I'm happy to say that we are feeling better about things since that post, largely because the program we went to see at Bradt Elementary School in Rotterdam turned out to be a postive thing. We went into the visit there not expecting much, and we were pleasantly surprised.
The classroom is run by BOCES in a primary school in the Mohonesan school district. The whole school is only K-2nd grade. It's pretty big, but also nicely laid out and pretty convenient to get to. The class itself is going to have 8 students, with one teacher, Miss Breeyear, and 2 aides. There is also a social worker, and the usual army of therapists. While we were there, all the kids seemed to be functioning well in the classroom environment. The teacher had a good handle on the class, and the kids were all participating like you would expect kids in school to do. While the teacher was talking to us, the kids all did a craft project at the tables with the aides helping them, and we never even noticed how efficiently they did the project, no hassles, no issues. The teacher is young, and seems very nuturing and enthusiastic. She was very receptive to the idea of me coming into the classroom once in a while to help. The structure of the class seems very appropriate for Sam, and also there is the aspect of being able to adjust the curriculum to his abilities. I was able to bring him over the class to check it out the day after Tom and I were there. He joined right into an activity that they were doing, and he seemed quite happy with it. Honestly, he's nver had any trouble walking into a situation, the issues only come later once he's figured out what he can and can't get away with. But I am cautiously optomistic that this program will be able to deal with his quirks.
The distance from home is probably my biggest concern. Transportation issues are going to be worked out, but if it's going to be acceptable to us is another matter. The thought of him being on a bus for hours isn't appealing to us at all, so we'll have to see what happens. I'm not opposed to transporting him one way myself- hopefully it would be on the way home.
I feel somewhat better about how things were left at CES. I've come to realize that the bottom line is the quality of the education that Sam receives in the appropriate environment for him. I know I wouldn't feel as confident about first grade if he were staying at CES. It's just been demonstrated this year that they are not able to handle it. I'm annoyed that I was led to believe that it would all work out, and that interventions and strategies to help Sam only went so far there. I also realize that maybe our case is somewhat unique, we never had the preschool situation that would have prepared him for kindergarten, so he started out behind the 8 ball. There are times I really blame myself for not seeing his issues earlier, so he could have had a better head start. I'm trying to just look ahead and hope that we can play catch up in the next couple of years. I have no doubt that he'll be able to return to CES, and I hope I feel confident about that return. I'm glad that we won't have to deal with the whole temporary classroom issue (I've heard nothing positive about that so far).
I am feeling better about how things might go in the fall. I know it will be a rough start with the changes and everything, but I'm hoping at least this environment will be one in which he can learn a lot, have his issues worked on in a positive way, and feel comfortable about school. In the meantime, I'm hoping to enjoy the summer. There was no place left for him in summer school, which I'm glad about. I feel like we all need a break from the day to day grind. I'm not convinced that summer school does as much good as it might seem to. He will be continuing therapy 2 days a week with his therapists from CES, so that's a good thing. They were all very effective, and never had any problems with him. We'll be doing some traveling, and seeing some friends. Probably by the beginning of September, I'll be glad to hand him over to teachers!
I was just reading over my previous entry on June 1. I'm happy to say that we are feeling better about things since that post, largely because the program we went to see at Bradt Elementary School in Rotterdam turned out to be a postive thing. We went into the visit there not expecting much, and we were pleasantly surprised.
The classroom is run by BOCES in a primary school in the Mohonesan school district. The whole school is only K-2nd grade. It's pretty big, but also nicely laid out and pretty convenient to get to. The class itself is going to have 8 students, with one teacher, Miss Breeyear, and 2 aides. There is also a social worker, and the usual army of therapists. While we were there, all the kids seemed to be functioning well in the classroom environment. The teacher had a good handle on the class, and the kids were all participating like you would expect kids in school to do. While the teacher was talking to us, the kids all did a craft project at the tables with the aides helping them, and we never even noticed how efficiently they did the project, no hassles, no issues. The teacher is young, and seems very nuturing and enthusiastic. She was very receptive to the idea of me coming into the classroom once in a while to help. The structure of the class seems very appropriate for Sam, and also there is the aspect of being able to adjust the curriculum to his abilities. I was able to bring him over the class to check it out the day after Tom and I were there. He joined right into an activity that they were doing, and he seemed quite happy with it. Honestly, he's nver had any trouble walking into a situation, the issues only come later once he's figured out what he can and can't get away with. But I am cautiously optomistic that this program will be able to deal with his quirks.
The distance from home is probably my biggest concern. Transportation issues are going to be worked out, but if it's going to be acceptable to us is another matter. The thought of him being on a bus for hours isn't appealing to us at all, so we'll have to see what happens. I'm not opposed to transporting him one way myself- hopefully it would be on the way home.
I feel somewhat better about how things were left at CES. I've come to realize that the bottom line is the quality of the education that Sam receives in the appropriate environment for him. I know I wouldn't feel as confident about first grade if he were staying at CES. It's just been demonstrated this year that they are not able to handle it. I'm annoyed that I was led to believe that it would all work out, and that interventions and strategies to help Sam only went so far there. I also realize that maybe our case is somewhat unique, we never had the preschool situation that would have prepared him for kindergarten, so he started out behind the 8 ball. There are times I really blame myself for not seeing his issues earlier, so he could have had a better head start. I'm trying to just look ahead and hope that we can play catch up in the next couple of years. I have no doubt that he'll be able to return to CES, and I hope I feel confident about that return. I'm glad that we won't have to deal with the whole temporary classroom issue (I've heard nothing positive about that so far).
I am feeling better about how things might go in the fall. I know it will be a rough start with the changes and everything, but I'm hoping at least this environment will be one in which he can learn a lot, have his issues worked on in a positive way, and feel comfortable about school. In the meantime, I'm hoping to enjoy the summer. There was no place left for him in summer school, which I'm glad about. I feel like we all need a break from the day to day grind. I'm not convinced that summer school does as much good as it might seem to. He will be continuing therapy 2 days a week with his therapists from CES, so that's a good thing. They were all very effective, and never had any problems with him. We'll be doing some traveling, and seeing some friends. Probably by the beginning of September, I'll be glad to hand him over to teachers!
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