Monday, May 25, 2009

Wanted: Friends with "alternative" lives

Those of you who are regular readers of this poor excuse for a blog are familiar with my ever-evolving quest for answers to the normal/not normal debate. Though I know that this is something that I will probably revisit in the future, at this point in time, I feel like I've come to terms with it. I'm learning to accept and embrace the Dougherty family's version of normal. I'm actually thinking it's pretty cool. One problem- I'm feeling like I'm not surrounding myself with enough people who also live their own pretty cool version of normal. I know that everyone has their issues, and most people would in fact say that they have this problem or that, and they are doing whatever to compensate for it, but what I'm talking about it people who actually walk the walk, instead of just talking the talk. I can remember endless conversations with a former boss of mine who was always half lamenting/half thrilled to death that he wasn't fitting in within his suburban neighborhood. We used to discuss how both of us felt like oddballs- he because he worked 15 hours a day trying to make a go of a small business, and me because I was 35 and childless (by choice). Finally the day came when he divorced his wife, moved out of his suburban house, bought a little house in the country far away from everyone and is finally at peace with his exisistance. I got pregnant, had my son at age 38, learned he had Asperger's Syndrome, and have spent the last almost 4 years trying to get a grip on it. I've come to realize that having a child that is differently abled suits me on a lot of levels. Whenever I hear my group of friends relate their stories of carting kids back and forth to the ball fields, signing up for this or that school duty, etc., I inwardly cringe because I know none of that is anything that I would enjoy doing at all. Having a child who is differently abled gives me a pass to get out of that stuff. Instead, we choose alternative things to get involved in that we never would have been exposed to had we not been sent down this path by a higher being. What I'm looking for now are others who are comfortable in their own alternative lives- who embrace the "differentness" and see it as a blessing that expands their horizons and brings joy to their lives in ways they never could have expected. I'm looking for parents who work as hard as Tom and I do, who appreciate everything they have and band together when times get tough. I know these people are out there. Make yourselves known!