Monday, March 28, 2011

Trying not to let stress get to me.....

Here we are again, my most favorite time of the year- annual review time! I know I've written about the joys of this yearly ritual before, but it's a topic that never seems to get any LESS stressful, at least for me. Even in years when things have seemed like they were going to be a cakewalk, I manage to squeeze some worry time in, and this year is no exception. There's something particularly galling about having to annually review a process that most parents of kids in school take for granted. It's almost like a punishment you have to go through for having a child with a disability. The chance to sit around a table with people just itching to prove you wrong, to make you feel like you know nothing or that your child is costing the taxpayers money is just priceless. For those of you who have never had the "wonderful" experience of an annual review, let me enlighten you. It's the time of year when you have to face the school district administration (you know, the ones who sit behind desks and maybe have seen your child once or twice, but who really only know him as a name on paper. Geez, I know some of the ancestors I research for people's genealogy better, and they are dead!!) and justify just why your child needs to be in a special program, needs to continue speech therapy, needs sensory integration therapy, needs a one on one aide, needs any extra help at all, just because he has a (insert GASP here) diagnosis!! So in other words you sit at a meeting and spell out just how horrible your child is doing so any services he receives can be justified. The first couple of times I was subjected to this abuse, I found it pretty tough to take. School is supposed to be about success, right? No child left behind, right? WRONG!! Luckily over the years I've developed a pretty thick skin and have learned that to play the game and win (well, winning is a relative term here), you have to make your child look as bad as possible. I never thought I would be able to point out my son's difficulties and not burst into tears over it, but practice does make perfect. If you don't make your child's "issues" seem bad enough, they are in danger of having their services taken away, or, worse, being "declassified". I'll never forget when this was suggested in the case of the son of a friend of mine, also an Aspie. His father wanted to ask the powers that be within the school, "Does that mean he's cured?" As if the schools could ever take credit for something like that! Our rendezvous with the school, teachers and therapists is scheduled for next week. We have been luckier than most, the staff who works with Sam usually runs the meeting and holds our hand through it. However, we have questions for them as well. Why are his state test scores so low? Why is he not performing at grade level? WHY DID WE HAVE TO WAIT ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR TO FIND THIS OUT? Clearly, the system is breaking down somewhere! A valuable lesson that I've learned through all this that keeps appearing over and over and also keeps proving its validity is that there is no one who truly cares for your child as much as a parent does. A mom or a dad is without a doubt the best advocate for their child. Teachers, therapists and administrators may talk a good game, but in the end they are doing a job, and it's not the important job that you have as a parent.