Lately Sam has been talking to me about something he calls "the green raindrop". The way he portrays it, the green raindrop is something inside his brain that "tells" him to do things that he knows he shouldn't. He has cited examples of mis-deeds from kindergarten (2 years ago) that the green raindrop compelled him to do, such as destroy something some other kid made. The fact that he is contemplating such things so far after the fact indicates some kind of awesome personal growth on his part. Sam has never been the kind of kid to verbalize his deep insight (although I know it's there), so the "Green raindrop" talk has kind of been a break through for us. I've often thought to myself that the reason Sam has Asperger's Syndrome is because he would just be too damn perfect if he didn't. I've always sensed that he had a strong desire to do the right thing, but just was not able to, due to his "disability". The presence of the green raindrop seems to confirm my belief. Since we have seen a diminishment of the kind of behavior that the green raindrop condones in recent months, I asked Sam if the green raindrop was either gone or in a better mood lately. His reply was that the green raindrop was always angry, and that he hadn't gone away. I don't think he has it in him yet to verbalize the fact that he is maturing enough to control the impulses of the green raindrop.
Sam and I have had some meaningful dialog on a few topics of late, not just the green raindrop. He's verbalized to me that he has some anxiety about starting third grade in a new school setting, which is HUGE for him. Prior to this, his anxiety about new situations has always manifested itself in actions and reactions to his environment. Now, I don't for a minute think that just because he is talking to me about his feelings about being a third grader that it will make the transition easier. I fully anticipate that we will go through a rocky period in the fall when he starts at Westmere. The difference here is that for once he is verbally acknowledging his anxiety, which I consider a big step on the road to self-awareness and awareness of the world at large.
