This morning we did an RDI activity while getting dressed. Sam requested that I stay in his room to "help him" get dressed, so I used the opportunity to do some non-verbal communication. I really didn't speak at all once he got going with the dressing- just used gestures like nodding yes or no; used the "thumbs up" sign to tell he he did ok; did some pointing to bring attention to certain things, and cleared my throat a few times to get him to look at me. The good thing about it was that Sam didn't seem to think it was weird that I was not talking- lots of times when I try to do something like that, he always asks me why I'm not saying anything. It was great that this time he seemed to understand that we were playing a game, and that talking wasn't part of it. Another thing I really tried to be cognizant of was s l o w i n g down. This is one of the hardest aspects of RDI for me to get used to. I'm so accustomed to a goal-oriented lifestyle; gotta go here and do this within this time frame, etc. Even though the clock was ticking and it was getting close to the time we needed to be on the road to school, I stopped myself from hurrying things along.
I look back to what our mornings were like a year ago, and I can't help but marvel at the change. During his kindergarten year I did nearly everything for him, from preparing and nagging him to eat his breakfast to getting him into the bathroom to wash up and brush teeth, to dressing him, to packinghis backpack, to putting on his coat, boots, hat, and mittens, to walking him to the bus stop and putting him on the bus. I'm happy to realize that this year he is doing at least 1/2 of these things by himself! There is no doubt that he's much more capable this year, and also we all don't feel like we are handling school in "crisis mode" like we were last year. I notice that despite initial resistance to changes, Sam nearly always embraces new responsibilities. Maybe by next year he'll be making his own breakfast and actually eating it!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
More about RDI....
To continue with what I was writing about yesterday, incorporating RDI into our everyday lives is proving to be a challenge. I find myself thinking about every word that comes out of my mouth, and my thoughts range from "I'm not sure if what I just said was really "RDI-like" and I feel like I use the same phrases all the time." to "Shoot! I really should have not phrased that as a question (or made a demand). I should have made that a declarative statement." So really the best it gets at this point is an attempt to change the way I say things, and being pretty doubtful that what I'm saying is in any way effective. Perhaps I really should just opt for silence.
Another thing I have a great deal of trouble with is keeping my cool with Sam in situations where he's doing something (or not doing something) that needs to be done, like on a time deadline. This morning we were about 10 minutes away from bus pickup, and he was taking his time with packing his backpack, and getting his coat on. He wanted to put his coat and gloves on before packing the backpack, he was walking around touching all the door casings (something he just started doing recently), and just not being mindful of the time. (Like he ever is- I'm realizing as I write this that last year it would have been unheard of for him to even approach doing any of these things- so what do I have to complain about?) Anyway, this is the very thing I mean, I have trouble keeping my cool when things need to get done, so I grabbed his backpack and packed it myself. I wonder if this made him feel bad, since he has been packing his backpack himself. I only realize these things in retrospect, so I really need training in how to keep my cool in these situations.
It's hard to put everything you say and do under a microscope. I tend to be my own worst self-critic, so I am finding fault with lots of my attempts at communication. I guess I really need to live the whole "It's a marthon, not a sprint" philosphy. How could 6 years of one way of communication possibly be replaced overnight by another way?
Another thing I have a great deal of trouble with is keeping my cool with Sam in situations where he's doing something (or not doing something) that needs to be done, like on a time deadline. This morning we were about 10 minutes away from bus pickup, and he was taking his time with packing his backpack, and getting his coat on. He wanted to put his coat and gloves on before packing the backpack, he was walking around touching all the door casings (something he just started doing recently), and just not being mindful of the time. (Like he ever is- I'm realizing as I write this that last year it would have been unheard of for him to even approach doing any of these things- so what do I have to complain about?) Anyway, this is the very thing I mean, I have trouble keeping my cool when things need to get done, so I grabbed his backpack and packed it myself. I wonder if this made him feel bad, since he has been packing his backpack himself. I only realize these things in retrospect, so I really need training in how to keep my cool in these situations.
It's hard to put everything you say and do under a microscope. I tend to be my own worst self-critic, so I am finding fault with lots of my attempts at communication. I guess I really need to live the whole "It's a marthon, not a sprint" philosphy. How could 6 years of one way of communication possibly be replaced overnight by another way?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Working at "getting" RDI
Well, we've been working on hard incorporating RDI concepts into everyday life here at the Dougherty house. It really has been a lot of work- I find myself analyzing everything that comes out of my mouth when I talk to Sam. I often think about how I could have effectively dealt with a conversation better, or how I could have injected some "declarative language" into what we were doing. One thing I know I have a problem with is slowing down! I'm so used to multi-taking to get everything done that I have a hard time taking my time to do anything. I've always been bothered by how much in a rush we always feel, but I don't do anything to remeady that. Maybe now is that time!
Sam for the most part responds well to the RDI activities, but he is clearly uncomfortable with the pauses and silences that are part of how we communicate now. Our household has always been so filled with non-stop talking (let's face it- all three of us are chatterboxes) that it's quite a change to go the other way. He sometimes has difficulty transitioning to an activity, but nearly always gets into it and fully participates.
Sam for the most part responds well to the RDI activities, but he is clearly uncomfortable with the pauses and silences that are part of how we communicate now. Our household has always been so filled with non-stop talking (let's face it- all three of us are chatterboxes) that it's quite a change to go the other way. He sometimes has difficulty transitioning to an activity, but nearly always gets into it and fully participates.
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