This has been my latest affirmation for the last couple of weeks, and it's becoming a mantra as the tsunami threatens to pull me under......
Sam's level of anxiety seems to be steadily climbing. Of course 24/7 he's not completely anxious, but the periods of anxiety are now daily instead of weekly. His sleep pattern has taken a good hit, and after the 5th time of visiting his room in any one evening, the rest of us are getting pretty anxious too. Anyone who knows us remembers that sleep is one thing that we have not had many issues with over the years. We would hear the horror stories of other parents of spectrum kids who tore their hair out getting their kid to sleep in their own bed, getting them to sleep PERIOD, and we considered ourselves lucky. In the last month, we've had to deal with Sam crying, complaining his room is too hot, clock watching and having it stress him out so much that we had to remove the clock from his room, experimenting with different bedding and blankets, staying up later, taking a small dose of melatonin, etc. The bottom line to all this is that he is stressed out over who knows what, doesn't know how to explain it or deal with it, and so the long trip down the mine shaft of darkness continues.
This trip is not unfamiliar to us. We've been here before- pretty cyclicly for the last few years. What is different this time is that I know it's been coming for a while, and so far I'm refusing to give in. My desire in this go-round is to attain some level of understanding into how Sam is experiencing this anxiety, to get him to some form of understanding, and to develop a "tool box" of strategies to use when anxiety come knocking.
In crisis situations like this, Tom tends to look outwardly for blame. What bad things are the kids in school teaching him? Who is picking on him? What are they making him do that he doesn't like? I know better than to think things are that simple. There is no quick band-aid that will make this disappear. What it means is more hard work for all of us. We didn't get an instruction manual with Sam. (not that we'd have read it anyway) I feel like my parenting journey has been one science experiment after another- the very same strategy I accused Sam's kindergarten team of employing 4 years ago. I can't say all the experiments have been failures- in fact I think my instincts are pretty good as far as knowing what interventions might work.
Times like these make my own anxiety so intense that I sometimes get swept up in the storm momentarily, then feel like shit after it's over for giving in and being human. I try not to beat myself up. I'm picking myself up tonight and dusting myself off, determined to re-entrench and not get swept away by the next tidal wave that will inevitably arrive in the near future.
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