Incidents like what happened tonight at the library make me realize how hard it is to exist in the real world sometimes. Sam was excited to go and see real live rats at the library. (the pet kind, not the wild kind) It was actually a program meant for older kids to discuss "Charlotte's Web" and someone from a local pet store was bringing in pet rats. I was hoping to just go in, peek at the rats, then head home. Well, we ended up sitting through a portion of the program, and Sam was very excited and wanting to touch and be up close. I managed to hold him off pretty well and to his credit, he did ok with waiting and even sitting and listening. (when I say he did ok here, you have to picture what "ok" means for Sam. I'm sure its nothing like what would be acceptable for most kids, but for me since he didn't just take off after the rats immediately and could be managed through verbal prompts for a short time, that was a success story) Anyway, when it came time to be able to touch the rat and feed it a sunflower seed, it got to be too much for him and he pinched the rat (kind of on the scruff of the neck like you would a cat) and then proceeded to scream at it a couple of times. Of course the thing was petrified, but luckily the handler had control of it. I'm sure she and everyone else in the room was disgusted by Sam's behavior, but I didn't stick around to find out. We left immediately.
I've gotten over the whole thing about how people react when things like that happen. They don't live my life or even know what it's like to deal with our issues, and frankly for the most part I don't care what a stranger's opinion is. I know the people who were there who know us will understand and probably feel sympathy for us. That's all that counts.
The one thing I'm still struggling with is my reaction to the situation. Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate to just not react at all (as if I could manage that!), but also blowing up and making a scene isn't the right approach. I guess what I'm getting at is that now I feel like my reaction has more to do with how bad I feel about his inability to handle things, than it has to do with being embarassed or disappointed that things like this often end in disaster. I'm reacting to the frustration that I feel when he can't do and experience things the way most kids can.
I don't know what else to do but to keep trying. It's like getting thrown off the horse and having to keep getting back on. I guess I shouldn't look at it as one day we are going to a program and it's going to be a complete success, perfect from beginning to end. I need to look at it as a process. Small things get better each time. Maybe I need to be able to pick up on cues better- know when he's not gonna be able to handle something and react before the problems occur.
I suppose I'm only human. I hope that each time we try something a little risky that the outcome is going to be a positive one. Maybe I just need to pick out the positives in each experience and learn from the negatives.
2 comments:
Just to add a comment to my own post- Darlene's (library director) reaction to Sam at last night's program was, "Sam did such a wonderful job!" I'm not kidding! She always tried to see the positive in everything. Maybe we all should take a page out of that book!
Just reading this today (weeks later!). I think Darlene is right. He made it all the way through the program, right? And I can imagine how hard it would be to pull him out before something "bad" happens. After all, what if this is the time it will go well?! And you hate to limit his experiences. But you're probably pretty good at reading his cues--maybe it's worth a try just to see if you can read him well enough to know when he's not going to be able to handle a situation. Can you explain that to him? He is a six-year-old, after all. Not the most reasonable of creatures.
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