It's not just us!

I was having a conversation this week with one of my friends who is having problems with her age 9 NT daughter. She made the statement that "When she was a baby, I felt like I was the best mom. Now I feel like the worst!" I could relate a lot to what she was saying, remembering times when I felt like I was searching my brain for any possible way to make Sam "get it". The frustration involved with trying to be an effective parent when we can't figure out why our child is acting a certain way is probably the worst I've ever felt. You basically feel as if you have no control over the situation, that despite your best efforts you have failed to get through to your child on some basic level. Feelings that things are out of control are probably right on the money. It took our RDI consultant to help Tom and I realize that the control of the house was really in Sam's hands, and this gave him so much anxiety the resulting behviors were usually somewhat less than ideal. I've tried to give my friend advice based on our experience. Parental control is something all of us deal with, whether we have a special needs child or not. I advised my friend to start by controlling HER reaction to how her daughter is behaving. No sense adding fuel to an already burning fire. I also told her to take it slow, and not to beat herself up if she does "lose it". Since Tom and I have been trying to wrestle control back from Sam, I've found that my first reactions to incidents these days are a lot more controlled than they used to be. I'm actually remaining calm and dealing with things in a more methodical way than showing lots of emotion and getting all upset. So, for those of us that sometimes feel alone in the world of raising a special needs child, it's nice to know that many parents of NT kids struggle as well. The very fact that my friend wants to make a change to the way things are going at her house indicates that she is willing to change and make the adjustments necessary. In the end, most parents have a lot more similarities than they do differences.

A shout out to my "sisters"

In an effort to be a more consistant "blogger", I'm posting my second entry in a week! (we'll see if I can keep it up!) I've been doing a lot of thinking about my group of friends lately. I really would not be as sane and as level headed as I am if it weren't for this group of 5 ladies. For the last 6+ years, they have grown into my extended family. They have seen me at my best and certainly at my worst. They've witnessed me morph from an uncertain mother of a toddler into a (semi) confident parent of a very unique child. I owe them a debt of gratitude for so many things, but a few deserve special mention. They have always been there for me, and have never seemed freaked out or troubled by me dumping any number of problems on them, even though most of them can't relate personally to what we go through on a daily basis. They have always made Sam (and all of us) welcome in their homes, camps, schools, etc. I will never have to worry that Sam won't have a friend, because he does- 10 of them to be exact. These kids are more than friends. They have grown up always knowing each other. Of course they pair off and some like others better or get along with one another differently at different times, but I would be willing to bet dollars to donuts that if you were to ask any one of them if Sam were their friend they would say yes without hesitation. The feeling of having a support system around me is beyond description. Knowing that someone is just a phone call away is often just what I need to get me through. Now, we sometimes have to struggle a little bit to see each other these days what with kids in all kinds of activities, finding jobs, keeping old jobs, juggling home committments, but the dedication to each other is still there. Things are not perfect. We've had our disagreements, fallouts, arguements, and misunderstandings. I've come to realize that people can't annoy you so much if you don't care so deeply about them. Some of us don't feel as close to each other as we once did. People change, places change. Change is going to happen. What I hope won't change is the fact that somewhere out on this planet are 5 gals who mean the world to me. I just want to count on picking up where we left off when we meet again!

Back to school, 2008 style

Welcome to the first day of school, 2008. This is a year unlike any other is our previous existence. This is the very first back to school day that I didn't wring my hands over, stay up nights worrying about, or just plain dread. Of course there have been varying degrees of these negative feelings over the years, but I'm happy to share that I'm feeling none of them this year. Instead, I'm feeling confident, happy and very postitive about Sam's school sitation for second grade. The feeling must be contagious because Sam was feeling very upbeat this morning, too!
Of course we've traveled all over the "I don't want to go back to school" and "I want to stay home" attitudes for the past couple of weeks, even up until last night, when Sam had a tough time getting to sleep. (unusual for him) But this morning he put the nerves aside and was thrilled to proclaim to us this morning "I'm a second-grader!" He was dressed in his new Wall-E t-shirt and putting things in his backpack before I was even done with my coffee! We took some pictures out on the front porch as is our first-day-of-school custom, and watched kindergartner Olivia down the street wait for the bus for the first time. Then it was off to Bradt, a 1/2 hour drive that seemed to go quickly after not having driven it all summer. We counted 24 school buses along the way. It was so comforting, for me, parking in the familiar parking lot, going to the familiar door, saying hi to Mr. Jim and Miss Sandy. I'd have to say my favorite part, though, was seeing Sam's excitement in greeting his friends. He told them that he had missed them, and talked about some of the things he had done over the summer. Never mind that he just left most of them 3 weeks ago, but isn't this what NT kids do when they go to school? Excited to be wearing new clothes, interested in their friends' summer stories, glad to see their teachers? These are some of the emotions I can remember feeling when I started school each fall all those years ago. My absolute favorite part of the morning was when I had to remind him to give me a kiss and hug as I was leaving. The very fact that he was so caught up in his environment that he was forgetting to say goodbye to me indicates that we are moving in the right direction. I think about how different I feel than when I first left him at preschool, or when I was a nervous wreck putting him on the kindergarten bus. This feeling of first-day-of-school optimism may only be good for this one year, but I'm really enjoying it and counting my blessings!!