It's not just us!

I was having a conversation this week with one of my friends who is having problems with her age 9 NT daughter. She made the statement that "When she was a baby, I felt like I was the best mom. Now I feel like the worst!" I could relate a lot to what she was saying, remembering times when I felt like I was searching my brain for any possible way to make Sam "get it". The frustration involved with trying to be an effective parent when we can't figure out why our child is acting a certain way is probably the worst I've ever felt. You basically feel as if you have no control over the situation, that despite your best efforts you have failed to get through to your child on some basic level. Feelings that things are out of control are probably right on the money. It took our RDI consultant to help Tom and I realize that the control of the house was really in Sam's hands, and this gave him so much anxiety the resulting behviors were usually somewhat less than ideal. I've tried to give my friend advice based on our experience. Parental control is something all of us deal with, whether we have a special needs child or not. I advised my friend to start by controlling HER reaction to how her daughter is behaving. No sense adding fuel to an already burning fire. I also told her to take it slow, and not to beat herself up if she does "lose it". Since Tom and I have been trying to wrestle control back from Sam, I've found that my first reactions to incidents these days are a lot more controlled than they used to be. I'm actually remaining calm and dealing with things in a more methodical way than showing lots of emotion and getting all upset. So, for those of us that sometimes feel alone in the world of raising a special needs child, it's nice to know that many parents of NT kids struggle as well. The very fact that my friend wants to make a change to the way things are going at her house indicates that she is willing to change and make the adjustments necessary. In the end, most parents have a lot more similarities than they do differences.