Family ties

Today we got to see some pictures and videos of Carol's graduation from the University of Texas. She's a doctor now! While it's a very proud moment for the Doughertys to have a doctor in the family, I feel a bit sad for having missed the event, and, indeed, not even grasping the importance of it in the hustle and bustle of every day life around here. Seeing the pictures of 4 of the Dougherty siblings together and knowing Tom was not there reminded me of how far apart we all are, both in distance and in life. I have six cousins with whom I grew up very closely, and I rarely see them anymore. We were as close as siblings, seeing each other frequently throughout our growing up years in the 60's, 70's and into the 80's. Now, I know people grow up, move away, marry and have their own families, but the reality of long-cherished ties growing looser with the passing years is one that distresses me on a regular basis. I so often feel that keeping in touch with those that have been and are dear to us could be something akin to a full-time job. You often have to know when to let friendships go- you can't hang on to everyone forever.
It's supposed to be different with family, though. Blood is thicker than water, that's what is claimed. I know I have myself to blame for a lot of the neglect of the past few years. Sometimes it's just EASIER to be with friends from everyday life who know our situation, are used to it, and don't bat an eyelash when Sam crashes the wagon down the hill for 50th time. I often feel lots of anxiety before attending a family event because I wonder what these people who are so dear to me are thinking about me and my parenting skills. How can they possibly know what it's like to pick yourself up, get back on the horse, and try a big gathering that is bound to make Sam hyper with all the excitement, noise and people? Things aren't like they were in the old days. Lots of times it's just easier to avoid things.
To everyone's credit, I can tell that people try to be tolerant. This is a lot better than the horror stories I hear about other families with kids on the spectrum. Some people simply don't get invited to family functions, or don't choose to go because they are not sure how their kids will handle it. It all leads to feelings of isolation- like how I felt when I didn't see Tom in those graduation pictures.
So really what it all boils down to is this- I need to develop a thicker skin. I have to have the attitude that these very dear people are my family! They may not verbalize it to us, but they do support us, and if they don't, then they aren't the same people we grew up with. They can't understand what our life is like because they don't live it, but they can show us kindness and respect, and understand that we are truly doing the best we can.
I just wish everyone in both of our families could know Sam as Tom and I do. Intelligent, caring, fun-loving, focused (yes, believe it!), oblivious to the crap in the world, optomistic, and loyal are just a few of the words I can use to describe this very unique child! My life has truly been enriched by our experiences over the past 7 years. I hope I have your support for the next 7 and beyond!