One of the things I've experienced continously since my entrance into the "special needs" community is the basic need that most of us parents of "different" kids have to connect with others who share a similar exisistance. It happens everywhere I go that I enounter parents of kids on the spectrum. I can say from experience that there's nothing quite like the comfort of chatting with someone who "gets" what you go through, who can relate to the stress of an IEP meeting, someone who is probably trying to juggle dealing with their child while conversing with you, and who understands why you can't just drop your kid off at the birthday party like other parents do. There's a comraderie there that makes a stranger intimate almost immediately. Whether these chance encounters lead to lasting friendship is another matter; the initial "attraction" is a strong bond.
I think all of us in this situation are craving the same things: someone to talk to who gives us the look of recognition, more and better information about what we can do as far as interventions, and additions to the support network we all want to build around us. Those of us in the special needs parenting world can't simply go to the neighborhood block party and start talking about our kids in the traditional way and expect it to result in a life-long friendship. That conversation might go something like this: Neighbor: "We had baseball practice yesterday and Johnny hit the ball out of the park 4 times. Our team will be hard to beat this year." You: "My Jimmy threw a pencil box at a teacher and had to spend the day in the principal's office. He really didn't get, nor care, why he was there. The school is talking out-of-district placement for him for next year." Based on that conversation, you probably aren't going to get calls for many playdates. But another conversation, taking place just about anywhere you might encounter a parent of a child on the spectrum, like maybe a tae kwon do class, might go something like this:
You: "My son spent most of his kindergarten school year in the hall, cause the teachers didn't know what to do about his "disruptive" behavior." Other parent: "The school has suspended my daughter for being "agressive" and having anger issues. When can we get together for coffee and discuss strategy?"
My point here is that the need to connect is universal, in every sphere. Those of us who live with special kinds of kids just might feel the need more acutely, since there aren't whole neighborhoods of us. We seek each other out. Which is where the internet comes in. There's a great discussion about the internet community of "super-moms" taking place on John Elder Robison's blog. Read for yourself: http://jerobison.blogspot.com/2009/01/supermoms-and-mom-empowerment.html
The internet has become the "neighborhood" for moms of special needs kids. We can converse with people far and wide, from all different countries, circumstances and walks of life. The internet makes the gathering and diseminating of information so much easier, more convenient, and satisfying to do. Anything that can be done while wearing a bathrobe is ok with me!
For my part, I'm gonna keep to my New Year's resolution to reach out to people and provide them with any ideas or suggests I can. If you happen to "see" me anywhere- either in the flesh or on line, just know I'm here to listen and help!
